I am somewhat “into” hygiene and cleanliness. I think the unsung heroes of our generation are the Swedish geniuses who invented self-cleaning toilets. Furthermore, my idea of an “ideal guy” is Mr. Muscle; a man who not only LOVES household cleaning but looks terrific disinfecting surfaces whilst clad in orange lycra.
This morning I was online reading the New York Times website when I came across an article dated 23 Feb 1999 entitled, 'On Germ Patrol, at the Kitchen Sink'. Obviously a title like this instantly appealed to my “somewhat into hygiene” gene, so I eagerly read it. I don’t know when the New York Times stopped writing cutting edge investigative news articles and started producing horrific horror pieces, but they really should have put a warning on their website that reads: “WARNING: Not suitable for sensitive viewers or people who can’t read. This website may contain traces of nuts and information that will drive you nuts. Do not read while sleeping or operating heavy machinery.”
The article was about Dr. Charles Gerba of the University of Arizona who is a hygiene expert that has spent the last 20 years ‘ferreting out where bacteria lurk in our daily lives’. His claim to fame is that he has published more than 400 papers on the topic, thus proving the Triumph by Sheer Volume Theory that states, ‘if you write enough papers on something someone somewhere is bound to read it by mistake.’
For fun Dr. Gerba ‘uses a strobe light to shoot a time-lapse photograph of a flush, which shows droplets of water, usually invisible, each containing thousands of bacteria and viruses, being ejected from the bowl.’ Where are these bacteria-infested toilet water drops going, you ask? They are moving in large, organized packs in search of your toothbrush. So to prevent this, I recommend keeping your toothbrush far, far away from toilets - like on the moon.
Thanks to Dr Gerba’s article I am now haunted by the sickening scientific fact that my kitchen sink contains far more harmful bacteria than the toilet bowl. These bacteria originated in Chuck Norris’ toilet and so they laugh in the face of bleach and anti-bacterial cleaner only makes them stronger. They’re taking over our houses and short of using an extreme approach to household disinfection there is absolutely nothing we can do to kill them (I am using the term ‘extreme’ here in the sense of ‘dousing everything in rubbing alcohol and setting it on fire’.) But let’s set the flame thrower aside for the moment to focus on Dr Gerba’s latest alarming revelation: Gwyneth Paltrow won't let people touch her daughter Apple unless they scrub their hands with anti-bacterial soap first! Now I’m not judging I’m just saying - that’s weird.
Dr G says you’re going to collect bacteria just by existing which is a HUGE hygiene crisis for me. But I think its best not to think about it because once you start it’s a slippery slope. And before you know it your blood content is 80% hand-sanitizer and you’re on perpetual germ patrol - neurotically opening public doors with your elbows and naming your kids after germs. The only way we’ll ever truly rid ourselves of bacteria is to cryogenically freeze ourselves and then move to moon which would be a real inconvenience. But at least I’d be with my toothbrush.
This morning I was online reading the New York Times website when I came across an article dated 23 Feb 1999 entitled, 'On Germ Patrol, at the Kitchen Sink'. Obviously a title like this instantly appealed to my “somewhat into hygiene” gene, so I eagerly read it. I don’t know when the New York Times stopped writing cutting edge investigative news articles and started producing horrific horror pieces, but they really should have put a warning on their website that reads: “WARNING: Not suitable for sensitive viewers or people who can’t read. This website may contain traces of nuts and information that will drive you nuts. Do not read while sleeping or operating heavy machinery.”
The article was about Dr. Charles Gerba of the University of Arizona who is a hygiene expert that has spent the last 20 years ‘ferreting out where bacteria lurk in our daily lives’. His claim to fame is that he has published more than 400 papers on the topic, thus proving the Triumph by Sheer Volume Theory that states, ‘if you write enough papers on something someone somewhere is bound to read it by mistake.’
For fun Dr. Gerba ‘uses a strobe light to shoot a time-lapse photograph of a flush, which shows droplets of water, usually invisible, each containing thousands of bacteria and viruses, being ejected from the bowl.’ Where are these bacteria-infested toilet water drops going, you ask? They are moving in large, organized packs in search of your toothbrush. So to prevent this, I recommend keeping your toothbrush far, far away from toilets - like on the moon.
Thanks to Dr Gerba’s article I am now haunted by the sickening scientific fact that my kitchen sink contains far more harmful bacteria than the toilet bowl. These bacteria originated in Chuck Norris’ toilet and so they laugh in the face of bleach and anti-bacterial cleaner only makes them stronger. They’re taking over our houses and short of using an extreme approach to household disinfection there is absolutely nothing we can do to kill them (I am using the term ‘extreme’ here in the sense of ‘dousing everything in rubbing alcohol and setting it on fire’.) But let’s set the flame thrower aside for the moment to focus on Dr Gerba’s latest alarming revelation: Gwyneth Paltrow won't let people touch her daughter Apple unless they scrub their hands with anti-bacterial soap first! Now I’m not judging I’m just saying - that’s weird.
Dr G says you’re going to collect bacteria just by existing which is a HUGE hygiene crisis for me. But I think its best not to think about it because once you start it’s a slippery slope. And before you know it your blood content is 80% hand-sanitizer and you’re on perpetual germ patrol - neurotically opening public doors with your elbows and naming your kids after germs. The only way we’ll ever truly rid ourselves of bacteria is to cryogenically freeze ourselves and then move to moon which would be a real inconvenience. But at least I’d be with my toothbrush.
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