As an alert radio listener, I was quietly alarmed when I heard on Eye Witness News this morning that astronomers at Sheffield University, in cahoots with some more in Chile, have been “weighing” a star. According to The Guardian (and various other vaguely reputable online news sites) astrophysicists and astronomers have been using “the Very Large Telescope (VLT)” in “the Atacama desert of northern Chile” to “study R136a1” -> what they believe is “the largest star in our neighbouring galaxy”. The GOSEAAA (Group of Somewhat Excited Astrophysicists And Astronomers) believe it is the “most colossal star on record” and apparently the logical conclusion to such a discovery is that it simply must be weighed. The online article continued on to say that “Astronomers also have a limited range in which to look for them [stars]. In clusters that are too far away, it isn't always possible to tell if a telescope has picked up on one heavyweight star or two smaller ones in close proximity... Scientists who weren't involved in the find said the results were impressive, although they cautioned it was still possible, although unlikely, that scientists had confused two very close stars for a bigger, single one.” They ended with a convenient disclaimer, stating that the star's weight had, in fact, “been inferred using scientific models and that those were subject to change.”
As a totally unqualified social journalist, I consider it my priviledge, nay my social duty, to comment thoroughly on such an “impressive” yet unlikely-but-possibly-incorrect discovery...
What is with these astrophysicists and astronomers?!!?! (I am using the words “Astrophysicists” and “Astronomers” here in the sense of “scientists who sit around aimlessly with clearly FAR too much free time and an excess of brain cells”). I mean, when one astronomer piped up and said “Hey guys, you know that huge brilliant ball of burning gas drifting through a neighbouring galaxy that we just found? Let’s weigh it just to make sure it really is the biggest one out there!” At this point was there really no semi-sane person (or even a bright insect) in the room to say “There’s no scale big enough, silly!” ?
Apparently there is an astronomical amount of hype (did you see what I did there?) around the weight of stars because, and I quote, "stars live fast and die young" meaning they are born heavy and consistently lose weight during their teen years through excessive drag racing and bunji jumping which results in such a high mortality rate. This process is referred to by real, live, highly-educated scientists as “an intense weight loss program”. Sadly I did not make that up! Evidently Weight Watchers is HUGE in space (excuse the pun).
At this point I would like to mention that I still cannot believe that there are governments the world over - consisting of at least a couple vaguely intelligent people – that allow astronomers to spend, at a conservative estimate, $4,578 312 345 678 523.92 per project doing bizarre and completely unbeneficial things like weighing stars when the result of said projects is merely an “inferred” weight that is “subject to change” - or as we civilians like to call it; a guestimate!
Even if they could discover the star’s real weight, the glaringly obvious problem here is that they actually could have gotten it completely wrong and not found The Hulk Star but just “two smaller ones in close proximity”. But let me set that aside for a moment to ask the burning question everyone is thinking: - what real benefit is this piece of information to mankind? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying the field of astronomy is totally useless. We need you space crusaders to keep an eye on what’s going on out there! Who else would tell us if there were giant asteroids hurtling towards us with malicious intent and impending doom? We’d really love you guys discover aliens and we could also work up a morsel of interest and low-level enthusiasm over our own sun changing temperature or losing weight, but really... are the lives of us average, unimportant ‘civilians’ not worth living without knowing how heavy some giant ball of fire is way, way, way out there????
Come on people – put your sizeable brains and excessive amount of free time to something useful – like solving the peak hour traffic problem, or better yet - coming up with a catchier name for the “Very Large Telescope”!
As a totally unqualified social journalist, I consider it my priviledge, nay my social duty, to comment thoroughly on such an “impressive” yet unlikely-but-possibly-incorrect discovery...
What is with these astrophysicists and astronomers?!!?! (I am using the words “Astrophysicists” and “Astronomers” here in the sense of “scientists who sit around aimlessly with clearly FAR too much free time and an excess of brain cells”). I mean, when one astronomer piped up and said “Hey guys, you know that huge brilliant ball of burning gas drifting through a neighbouring galaxy that we just found? Let’s weigh it just to make sure it really is the biggest one out there!” At this point was there really no semi-sane person (or even a bright insect) in the room to say “There’s no scale big enough, silly!” ?
Apparently there is an astronomical amount of hype (did you see what I did there?) around the weight of stars because, and I quote, "stars live fast and die young" meaning they are born heavy and consistently lose weight during their teen years through excessive drag racing and bunji jumping which results in such a high mortality rate. This process is referred to by real, live, highly-educated scientists as “an intense weight loss program”. Sadly I did not make that up! Evidently Weight Watchers is HUGE in space (excuse the pun).
At this point I would like to mention that I still cannot believe that there are governments the world over - consisting of at least a couple vaguely intelligent people – that allow astronomers to spend, at a conservative estimate, $4,578 312 345 678 523.92 per project doing bizarre and completely unbeneficial things like weighing stars when the result of said projects is merely an “inferred” weight that is “subject to change” - or as we civilians like to call it; a guestimate!
Even if they could discover the star’s real weight, the glaringly obvious problem here is that they actually could have gotten it completely wrong and not found The Hulk Star but just “two smaller ones in close proximity”. But let me set that aside for a moment to ask the burning question everyone is thinking: - what real benefit is this piece of information to mankind? Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying the field of astronomy is totally useless. We need you space crusaders to keep an eye on what’s going on out there! Who else would tell us if there were giant asteroids hurtling towards us with malicious intent and impending doom? We’d really love you guys discover aliens and we could also work up a morsel of interest and low-level enthusiasm over our own sun changing temperature or losing weight, but really... are the lives of us average, unimportant ‘civilians’ not worth living without knowing how heavy some giant ball of fire is way, way, way out there????
Come on people – put your sizeable brains and excessive amount of free time to something useful – like solving the peak hour traffic problem, or better yet - coming up with a catchier name for the “Very Large Telescope”!
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