I just spent my weekend with 40 children between the ages of 5 and 13 on a children’s’ church camp. Right now I bet you're thinking “40 KIDS - I bet you never got any sleep!” Unfortunately, you are correct. I’m no expert but if you suffer from insomnia and you want to experience the joys of narcolepsy I strongly recommend going on a kids’ camp. This weekend I discovered that, theoretically, I could function on less than 4 hours sleep a night. I say ''theoretically'' because due to severe sleep deprivation, by lunch time on Sunday my vital output levels had declined to the level of an asparagus. Nevertheless it really was an enjoyable weekend.
On Friday night no one slept because children apparently believe sleep is only for the weak. Instead they were up all night eating vast quantities of sweets and shrieking loudly to ensure everyone in the Paarl area knew their blood content was 98% sugar. As a result on Saturday morning 40 severely sleep-deprived children dashed into a 4 hour obstacle course where they developed vital multitasking skills like learning how to traverse a “minefield” by balancing 15.375 of them on a 2 meter plank of wood whilst simultaneously attempting to stay awake and remain cohesive. They also got to cultivate important social skills like figuring out how to pass each team member through gaps in a rope web without touching the ropes. At one point during this exercise a very astute young man announced logically, “Humans don’t have a fat button that they can press and just get thinner right away. That would make this a LOT easier you know!” I refrained from informing him that sleeping at night would also help…
It is a very busy task to single-handedly supervise a bath time with 10 little girls. Girl’s long hair - tangled with shaving cream, coloured hair spray and small woodland animals - is only brushable with the aid of baby oil and the Jaws of Life. There was much splashing and giggles and questions like “Where can I put my pajamas?” (How about on your body). 1 hour later we emerged from the bathroom victorious and smelling like toothpaste – not because we brushed our teeth but because the boys had ambushed their rooms and put toothpaste on everything. I felt like I had just successfully directed a synchronized swimming team!
While on the topic of bathrooms, apparently children don’t waste time on menial tasks like flushing after using the loo therefore I would go into the bathroom and find every loo unflushed. I have never flushed the toilet on behalf of others so much in my entire life! I think the Association of Toilet Makers should design a kid-friendly flushing system on toilets. I recommend adding a slot on the side that produces a treat (like a Kinder Joy Egg) when the toilet handle is flushed. I bet your kids would be eagerly offering to flush for you with this reward system in place.
It was fantastic to spend time with the kids and hear their funny conversations and quirky comments. They all loved spending time together; regardless of their ages. My best moment was watching the oldest boy (13 years) carrying the youngest girl (5 years) through the tough parts of the obstacle course with so much care and concern. Our kids are a superb group of little people! But at 10.45pm on Saturday night while outside in the cold night air searching the camp grounds for a hairbrush (don’t ask) I thought to myself that maybe I am not ready for parenting just yet - I still need far too much sleep!
On Friday night no one slept because children apparently believe sleep is only for the weak. Instead they were up all night eating vast quantities of sweets and shrieking loudly to ensure everyone in the Paarl area knew their blood content was 98% sugar. As a result on Saturday morning 40 severely sleep-deprived children dashed into a 4 hour obstacle course where they developed vital multitasking skills like learning how to traverse a “minefield” by balancing 15.375 of them on a 2 meter plank of wood whilst simultaneously attempting to stay awake and remain cohesive. They also got to cultivate important social skills like figuring out how to pass each team member through gaps in a rope web without touching the ropes. At one point during this exercise a very astute young man announced logically, “Humans don’t have a fat button that they can press and just get thinner right away. That would make this a LOT easier you know!” I refrained from informing him that sleeping at night would also help…
It is a very busy task to single-handedly supervise a bath time with 10 little girls. Girl’s long hair - tangled with shaving cream, coloured hair spray and small woodland animals - is only brushable with the aid of baby oil and the Jaws of Life. There was much splashing and giggles and questions like “Where can I put my pajamas?” (How about on your body). 1 hour later we emerged from the bathroom victorious and smelling like toothpaste – not because we brushed our teeth but because the boys had ambushed their rooms and put toothpaste on everything. I felt like I had just successfully directed a synchronized swimming team!
While on the topic of bathrooms, apparently children don’t waste time on menial tasks like flushing after using the loo therefore I would go into the bathroom and find every loo unflushed. I have never flushed the toilet on behalf of others so much in my entire life! I think the Association of Toilet Makers should design a kid-friendly flushing system on toilets. I recommend adding a slot on the side that produces a treat (like a Kinder Joy Egg) when the toilet handle is flushed. I bet your kids would be eagerly offering to flush for you with this reward system in place.
It was fantastic to spend time with the kids and hear their funny conversations and quirky comments. They all loved spending time together; regardless of their ages. My best moment was watching the oldest boy (13 years) carrying the youngest girl (5 years) through the tough parts of the obstacle course with so much care and concern. Our kids are a superb group of little people! But at 10.45pm on Saturday night while outside in the cold night air searching the camp grounds for a hairbrush (don’t ask) I thought to myself that maybe I am not ready for parenting just yet - I still need far too much sleep!
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