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Have Fun in a Festive and Life-threatening Manner

I’ve always been a huge fan of Christmas. It’s my favourite time of the year. I love all the lights and decorations, the songs, the ‘goodwill to all men’ and how excited the kids get opening their presents. After all, the true joy of Christmas is giving (gifts, that is, not Covid!) After such a spectacularly rubbish year, what’s on your Christmas gift wish list this December? Are you hoping for the latest iPhone, a pair of shoes, a puppy, the vaccine and life insurance cover - because Christmas is to die for?

Boris' public announcement
We were all reminded by Boris this week that Christmas is trying to kill us. OK it was technically Coronavirus that is going to use Christmas to kill us but Boris’ message was clear:- The important thing for all of us to remember is to have fun on Christmas Day in a festive and potentially life-threatening manner. 

But did you know that Christmas has been trying to kill us long before Covid came along? According to onlinefirstaid.com, around 80,000 people incur Christmas-related accidents or injuries. Every year 2.6 million people fall while putting up Christmas decorations. About 1,000 people are injured by their Christmas tree as they wrestle it into the house and try to master and subdue it with decorations. A further 350 people sustain electric shocks and burns by faulty Christmas tree lights. Other typical Christmas-themed accidents include people stabbing themselves when building toys, fires, burns from cooking Christmas dinner, and falling off ladders while attempting to secure Christmas lights and decorations to the roof. 

Clement C Moore wrote the poem, 'The Night Before Christmas’ in order to alert us to the considerable danger that Christmas poses to us all; 'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse, because everyone was down at A&E, with Dad who'd been electrocuted by the Christmas tree.' 

In England, those of us lucky enough not to be sitting in A&E right now, are all desperately trying to figure out a way to group all the members of our extended family into Covid-acceptable ‘3 household Christmas bubbles.’ Spare a thought for our Welsh friends who have the unenviable task of uninviting 1 household from their Christmas bubble shindigs as they now must reduce their Christmas gatherings from 3 households down to 2. “Don’t want to pop your bubble but you’re out” is going to be a super-pleasant family Yuletide conversation. This year, planning who is going where for Christmas is going to require more time and effort than you spent planning your wedding because not accidentally killing a beloved member of your family by breaking the rules and giving them Covid is the overarching goal for Christmas 2020. 

But hey, we are not supposed to let the incredibly weighty life-and-death aspect of all this dampen our holiday spirits, right, Boris? We don’t need to live in a state of spine-tingling, acute fear and fun-sucking dread all day long on Christmas Day. We simply need to be HANDS aware while remaining hyper FACE vigilant and super SPACE alert. All. The. Time. and Christmas will be as fatality-free as possible.

Hands. Face. Space. No kisses from your gran. Hands. Face. Space. Open presents. Hands. Face. Space. Turkey time. Hands. Face. Space. Pass the potatoes please. Hands. Face. Space. Figgy pudding nom-nom. Hands. Face. Space. Pull 2m long social-distancing approved crackers. Hands. Face. Space. Handsfacespacehandsfacespacehandsfacespace and before you know it, you’ve successfully survived Christmas. 

Covid, you truly are the gift no one wants this Christmas that keeps on giving.
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