I was driving home the other evening in my friend’s car when suddenly … nothing happened! Literally; the car just died in the middle of a traffic circle [roundabout]. Fortunately the car had enough momentum left to exit the traffic circle and, as I inched along the road at a speed normally associated with a racing slug, I deemed it “somewhat ambitious” to try and still make it home by “travelling mainly downhill.” So I pulled over and there I was; stranded at 9:30pm in a dark side road with no street lights while the car enjoyed an ill-timed power nap.
As I waited for my friend to come and tow me home, I passed the time by considering every conceivable type of danger (both real and imaginary) that could possibly befall me; a helpless maiden stuck in her snoozing chariot in the perilous night. In a matter of minutes, I’d thrown all logic aside and mentally tormented myself to such a degree that I was thoroughly convinced I wasn’t going to make it out of this experience alive – after all, there were baddies, pillagers, pirates, one-legged line dancers, and rabid bunnies in these parts!
I saw a group of five young men walking down the street towards me, so I anxiously texted a few friends to say, “Let’s get together and panic!” but alas, there were no takers. The guys walked past my car veeeeeerrryy slowly whilst peering in at me and exchanging glances, and for the first time in my life I felt thoroughly vulnerable and utterly helpless. So I did what any superwoman in this situation would do - I struck what I believed was an intimidating facial expression which I hoped would clearly convey to these men the message “Don’t mess with me - I know Kung-Fu!” (Although based on their ensuing laughter, it possibly conveyed the message, “Don’t mess with me - I am experiencing extreme intestinal discomfort right now!”) But whatever the message, they moved off down the street sniggering and I managed to calm down to a mild panic.
Alone in the dark, I kept myself busy by repeatedly checking that all my doors were locked and fruitlessly searching for the dashboard switch that turns the car’s hazard lights on. There was no internal roof lights in the car so I just pressed every dashboard button I could find. I finally located it after an entertaining 7 minute display of windscreen wipers moving, head lights flashing, and indicators blinking. The more I tried to turn the windscreen wipers off, the faster they went. I FINALLY turned the hazard lights on. Then I quickly turned them off because nothing says, “Rob me; I’m broken down and can’t make a quick get away” quite like hazard lights flashing merrily in the darkness.
To cut a long story short - my friend arrived, tied the tow rope to my car and instructed me to “keep the tow rope tight.” In theory this is supposed to be achieved by applying the brakes accordingly; however, I had more of a knack for “lose rope dragging on the ground between us” than “tight rope” which meant we jerked our way home; my car lurching forward every time he accelerated and the rope snapped tight again between us. I laughed all the way, partly because it felt like I was on a theme park ride and partly because I still hadn’t managed to turn off the windscreen wipers and since it wasn't raining I was getting really strange looks from other drivers.
As I waited for my friend to come and tow me home, I passed the time by considering every conceivable type of danger (both real and imaginary) that could possibly befall me; a helpless maiden stuck in her snoozing chariot in the perilous night. In a matter of minutes, I’d thrown all logic aside and mentally tormented myself to such a degree that I was thoroughly convinced I wasn’t going to make it out of this experience alive – after all, there were baddies, pillagers, pirates, one-legged line dancers, and rabid bunnies in these parts!
I saw a group of five young men walking down the street towards me, so I anxiously texted a few friends to say, “Let’s get together and panic!” but alas, there were no takers. The guys walked past my car veeeeeerrryy slowly whilst peering in at me and exchanging glances, and for the first time in my life I felt thoroughly vulnerable and utterly helpless. So I did what any superwoman in this situation would do - I struck what I believed was an intimidating facial expression which I hoped would clearly convey to these men the message “Don’t mess with me - I know Kung-Fu!” (Although based on their ensuing laughter, it possibly conveyed the message, “Don’t mess with me - I am experiencing extreme intestinal discomfort right now!”) But whatever the message, they moved off down the street sniggering and I managed to calm down to a mild panic.
Alone in the dark, I kept myself busy by repeatedly checking that all my doors were locked and fruitlessly searching for the dashboard switch that turns the car’s hazard lights on. There was no internal roof lights in the car so I just pressed every dashboard button I could find. I finally located it after an entertaining 7 minute display of windscreen wipers moving, head lights flashing, and indicators blinking. The more I tried to turn the windscreen wipers off, the faster they went. I FINALLY turned the hazard lights on. Then I quickly turned them off because nothing says, “Rob me; I’m broken down and can’t make a quick get away” quite like hazard lights flashing merrily in the darkness.
To cut a long story short - my friend arrived, tied the tow rope to my car and instructed me to “keep the tow rope tight.” In theory this is supposed to be achieved by applying the brakes accordingly; however, I had more of a knack for “lose rope dragging on the ground between us” than “tight rope” which meant we jerked our way home; my car lurching forward every time he accelerated and the rope snapped tight again between us. I laughed all the way, partly because it felt like I was on a theme park ride and partly because I still hadn’t managed to turn off the windscreen wipers and since it wasn't raining I was getting really strange looks from other drivers.
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