Skip to main content

Wife Carrying Championships

Just when I thought the British couldn’t get any more amusing I discover yet another gem of originality wrapped up in health & safety paranoia.

I learnt there was such a thing as a ‘Wife Carrying Championship’ held in Dorking, England during March of this year. Right off the bat I have 2 points to make:
1. What is becoming of the dignified world of competitive sport?
2. Can we truly be surprised by anything people from a town called “Dorking” do?

Now it seems the British have tossed aside their ‘conservative’ image and thrown all caution to the wind (I use the word ‘caution’ here in the sense of ‘all things logical’).

And I quote from their website...
“Males or females carry a 'wife' (who must be at least 18 and can be male or female, and does not need to be the carrier's wife). All those carried must wear a helmet. All entrants win delicious Pilgrim Brewery ale - the winners win the wife's weight in beer! All entrants will start off at the same time, and the first over the line is the winner. However, there will be time penalties for dropping the 'wife.' Obstacles and water hazards may be included."

Just for entering you get free ale! Now that’s just what we all need – free inebriation at a potentially hazardous sporting event. Picture it: a group of be-sozzled men/women carrying their “wives” through obstacles and water! All things considered, they should win bonus points for NOT dropping their wife while holding a beer in one hand and swimming breast stroke with the other!

"Wife carrying can be a dangerous activity, which can lead to any one or more of the following injuries: slipped disk, broken legs and arms, spinal damage, facial injury, skull fractures, hernias, and other sundry injuries and illnesses, and potentially including death. But please don't let this put you off!”
So, what you’re saying is entering this race brings with it the probability of many horrific, disfiguring injuries but we shouldn’t be deterred in the least?
Got it. Sign me up!

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Pregnancy Mood Swing

Staff announcement: I’m preggers, have a bun in the oven, am currently brewing a tiny human. I’ve been calling it T-Rex because we don’t know yet if it is a boy or a girl and for the longest time now it has looked decidedly like a baby reptilian cast member from Jurassic Park. (Don’t worry: mummy and daddy love you!) Being pregnant gets to you to consider the truly important questions in life such as ‘Why am I starving at 1:43am??’ Prepare to be jealous - I’m hungry like literally all the time. T-Rex is making my body behave like I am composed of an entire male teenage rugby team that must fuel up before the big game in 2 hour’s time. What else could explain why I’m eating every 2 hours and have been a vegetarian since 2017 but suddenly cannot stop watching videos of people cooking bacon on TikTok and fantasising about eating a Big Mac? I also don’t feel that “mood swings” accurately describe the emotional rollercoaster that is pregnancy - try “personality transplant”. I’ve never been...

Do You Speak Klingon?

This week’s WWTT (what were they thinking) news topic is the United Nations’ decision to appoint an Alien Ambassador who would perform the “meet and greet” in the event that we are visited by an extraterrestrial life form. In the face of such an unconventional UN move, the burning question on everybody’s mind currently is, “Would Lady Gaga design the outfit that the alien ambassador would wear to the initial meet and greet?” The answer: No, it would be Darth Vader’s seamstress.    Certainly this UN move is somewhat “out there” but it’s going to happen whether or not they’ve fired the science-fiction-obsessed UN employee who came up with this ridiculous idea while wearing his Star Trek pajamas. In fact, the UN already has someone in mind – an “obscure Malaysian astrophysicist” to be vaguely specific. Now I’m not judging - I’m just saying: the UN is totally nuts to try pick someone all by themselves. They can’t make a decision like this without the input of at least everyone ...

A "Somewhat Restrictive" Diet

Is there much in this world that is worse than a diet? Sure musicals, Donald Trump, traffic jams on the highway, anyone wearing lycra-based clothing garments in public for purely social activities, and Super Villain attacks are right up there on the list, but only Covid and a few other truly heinous things suck worse than a diet, right?  I only ask because I recently embarked on a new, let’s be generous and call it a “somewhat restrictive” diet in which you try to cut out most lectins from what you eat. As we all know, lectins are a type of really toxic carbohydrate-binding protein that exists in plants so they’re basically lurking in almost everything we eat and cause all kinds of havoc inside our bodies. This means I’ve had to cut out any vegetables that contain seeds, as well as all fruit, beans, soy, legumes, grains, bread, pasta, potatoes, rice, cereal, dairy products made from cow’s milk, GMO foods, seeds, some nuts, sugar, pastries, and anything left that’s even remotely fun...