Verbal High Fives

I was off to visit the zoo. It had been on my ‘To Do’ list for ages because I am from Africa and have therefore never seen real animals in captivity before. I've rather been forced to wrestle them out of my swimming pool (snakes), out of my kitchen (monkeys), and away from my quad bike (lions) in direct mortal combat. Frankly, I was looking forward to admiring them in a more controlled environment where I was not at imminent risk of being poisoned, bitten, disfigured or otherwise morbidly neutralised. First we "saw" the lions. They were massive. They were majestic. They were completely ignoring us by hiding in the bushes and facing the back wall in a manner that openly communicated, “I care nothing for the £14.95 you paid to objectify me.” I was initially concerned about how small the lion cage was (thinking that you couldn't even swing a cat in such a confined space) but then I remembered DreamWorks’ factual animated documentaries, Madagascar 1, 2, & 3, which acc...