Verbal High Fives

I have not been able to operate heavy machinery for the last 10 days, nor the 30 years before that - but especially not in the last 10 days - thanks to Labyrinthitis. It’s an inner ear infection with a range of delightful symptoms that include Vertigo, nausea, and a pressing need to lie down at all times. Technically speaking, Vertigo is the light-headed, off-balance, out-of-sorts feeling you would get if you ascended too quickly when Scuba Diving in jelly, only it sadly doesn’t come with the fashion awesomeness of flippers or snackable environment. Consequently, balancing has lately become a full-time occupation for me. Just getting out of bed and remaining upright seems like a strange new skill that requires a preposterous level of focused intent. I’m so vertically challenged that my single greatest personal achievement of recent days has been heroically bringing the spoon to my mouth with the cereal AND milk still in it. I reached my lowest point...